“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.”Pearl S. Buck
Before jumping the broom you and your significant other need to be on the same page or have an understanding on a multitude of topics. Below I’ve touched on six of, what I believe, are the most important ones.
Before you tie the knot y’all need to be on the same page when it comes to your faith and beliefs. Talk about your relationship with God and denominational preferences. Do you plan on going to two different churches every Sunday? Praying two different ways? To two different people? Is anyone willing to change faiths? Are you more spiritual than religious? This is a major discussion that should happen in the dating stage so that when marriage is brought up there is no confusion on the topic.
Again, a topic that should be discussed during the dating stage. But if life has changed and your opinion on the matter has it’s time to revisit this topic. If you or your partner don’t want kids (or they don’t want kids anymore/vice versa), ask each other why or if that could change at a later date? How many kids do you want?
Ask your partner if they are even able to have kids and if not, is adoption or IVF on the table? I know when Brent and I first started dating (and anyone who knows me personally) knows that I THOUGHT I never wanted kids. Yet, here I am with two beautiful girls.
This discussion will most likely come up during before and marriage as well. Do you both plan on working? Who will be the “breadwinner”? Is your spouse going to be ok with you making more money than them?
Will one of you be willing to be a stay at home parent to save money? You also need to discuss your personal finances and spending habits as well as establish roles and responsibilities.
For instance, before I had my girls I was working and in school, when I got pregnant with Jai’Marie I was still doing the two. It wasn’t until right before I gave birth to Jai’Lynn that I quit my job to be a stay at home mom so we could save on childcare.
You’re probably thinking, really? Is she serious?, yes I am. This is a topic my husband and I used to disagree on for the longest. I remember when I first met him I was like “I’m never washing your clothes. You’re a grown man!” HA! Boy did I eat those words lol? But now we’re on the same page, especially since he works and I stay at home.
I do the majority of the cleaning because I’m home the majority of the time. He helps when I ask or if he sees I’m having a bad day. I will say he almost never does the dishes and I almost never take the trash out — I like it like that lol and that works for us.
You need to discuss this if both of you will be working. You’d be surprised how much this will be brought up during the marriage so it’s best for both of you to come to an agreement beforehand.
Before I married my husband I didn’t know how important this was until deep into our relationship. You really need to discuss how often your partner expects sex. Men and women do not have the same libido at the same stages in their life. Say your partner wants sex four times a week but you only want it once.
Buckle up baby ‘cause it’s going to be tension and arguments all up in that house. Make sure you know your partner’s needs and are able to fulfill them. You also need to learn each other’s sex language. Because what might get you riled up may not have the same effect on your partner.
The last but most important one is getting your communication on point. Y’all have been dating long enough to decide to spend forever together so I would hope you know how to communicate with each other.
It is very important to be heard and understood in your marriage without thinking your spouse is against you or arguing with you. This is something Brent and I still work on to this day. We have learned that sometimes we just need to compromise and we’re still learning each other every day.
Before tying the knot make sure that the person you are with is the person you want to be with FOREVER. Sit down with each other and discuss these things. Are you willing to compromise? Are you willing to change? I highly suggest pre-marital counseling because sometimes it takes another person’s perspective to explain where you are coming from. That definitely helped my husband and me.