Although my husband and I have only been married since October 2019, we’ve been together for six years. We met on an online dating app, moved in three months after dating, and have been inseparable ever since. Crazy right? I know.
What we have learned over the years is that a relationship is hard work, married or not. If you two both want to be together, you’re going to have to put in that work and grow together. We aren’t the perfect couple you see in movies/TV shows and we don’t always get along but he is my best friend.
There will be times in your relationship when you don’t want to talk to the other person but those are the times that test you. Those are the times that show you if this is what you really want. There will be arguments and disagreements, good times, and great. What matters is staying together because you can’t see yourself without them.
Couples that have been together for years sometimes get bored with each other and that’s a sad reality. My husband and I continue to learn each other every day and give each other room to grow. It’s so vital to keep your relationship fresh, alive, and spicy. Here are 9 things to help you and your partner with that going forward.
Learn Each Other’s Love Language
This may come as no surprise to you but this is something I had to learn in our relationship. The way you want to be loved or show love is not universal. You may like being gifted things and your partner may like acts of kindness. Your partner may like being complimented and you may like getting your feet rubbed. Everyone is different. It’s important you learn your partners love language so that they aren’t left feeling unsure of your feelings towards them.
This one! This is the one! With so many social media apps and distractions around, your partner could be feeling deprived and you wouldn’t even know it. I know some couples who lock their phones away in a box for an hour and just enjoy the presence of each other.
If you two have a day off, unplug everything, your phone, your tablet, your laptop, and just be there with each other. You two can watch a movie, read, exercise, or play a game with each other. Just learn to enjoy each other without the distractions of other people and the internet.
Check-In With Each Other
Sorry ladies, but men aren’t mind readers. I thought they were for years, ask my husband, but they’re not. *sighs in annoyance* But neither are we, gentlemen! We all knew that right?! Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s crucial you two are checking in with each other and communicating whatever feelings you are feeling. Whether it’s self-doubt, your expectations, or your insecurities, all of it should be communicated with your partner.
I don’t know about your relationship but in mine, my husband is the chef. He loves cooking, so much so he once considered a culinary school. Me on the other hand, not so much. But I love eating, lol. That’s how I know we were meant for each other!
But seriously, get in the kitchen and whip up something tasty. It’ll save you both money (if you don’t mess it up) and bring you two closer together. You two can teach each other family recipes and even begin a recipe book of your own.
Keep Your Friends Out of Your Relationship
I’m not saying don’t vent to your girlfriends or your guy friends. I’m just saying keep the details to a minimum and please discuss it with your partner first. Whatever you and your partner have going on needs to be discussed between the two of you first. All your friends are going to do is take your side and hype you up (some, not all; we all have a friend that’s going to keep it real with you and not just say you’re right because you’re their friend).
At the end of the day, you have to lay in bed with your partner, not your friends. Plus, you don’t want your friends to start to dislike your partner if you have no intention of leaving them. So it’s safe to just keep it between the two of you. *Unless you are in danger and genuinely need help or need someone to at least know what’s been going on. Domestic abuse is real and not everyone is able to get out. Visit https://www.thehotline.org/ for more information.
Establish Goals Together
This is especially important if you are together for the long-haul. I’m talking, engaged, married, you know — life-long commitment. Establishing goals let’s each other know what you want years from now and what your plans are. I’m sure you have your own personal goals but now it’s time to set and achieve goals together as a couple. You are a unit and it’s time to move like one.
Give Each Other Space
If you are in a long-term relationship right now, you know how important it is to let each other have personal space. Before and after an argument is when you should give your partner the most space. You both need time to gather your thoughts before you say or do something detrimental to your relationship.
We also need space to work through our own emotions and dabble in some self-care. Yes, you are in a relationship but you are still your own person.
Try New Things Together
This is a fun one. You may think you’ve done it all but there is so much to do in the world. Traveling to a new state or country, trying a new dish, doing something daring like skydiving, the possibilities are endless. Get together and create a bucket list of new things to try together. You can also list things you haven’t tried but your partner has and vice versa.
Talk About Sex
I saved the best for last lol. Sex can become boring in your relationship if you let it. Make sure to discuss sex with your partner often. What you like/don’t like. What you want to try. Where you draw the line, etc. Sex should not be the basis of your relationship when we’re discussing long-term but it is important.
There are various ways you can spice up your sex life with your partner. There are all types of stores with gadgets and outfits you can try. You’re married now, it’s time to get adventurous! Wear some sexy underwear under your clothes and go on a date. Send them random pictures (you know what kind of pictures I’m talking about). Send provocative texts and voicemails. Get creative and spontaneous when it comes to being intimate.
What it all comes down to, when you’re married or in a long-term relationship, is making sure you don’t stop trying. Don’t stop trying to win your partner over, don’t stop trying to learn everything about them, don’t stop exploring things with them. If you really want the relationship to work then you have to be willing to put the continued work in. The work doesn’t stop when you get that ring either!