My husband (Brent) and I moved in together after three months of dating and were together for two years before we had kids. We started having kids three years before getting married. We didn’t go the traditional/by the book route but we have been together long enough to know some things. We have been through it all and made it through it all. Marriage takes work.
It’s more than a piece of paper — something I thought for a long time. We built a foundation before having kids and built an even more solid foundation after having them. We still run into some bumps but we have figured out what is important to us and what works for us. Below are some tips on how to maintain a strong marriage after kids.
Show affection in front of your kids
Before having kids I didn’t know how important this would be but your kids need to see you show love to each other. This was something I didn’t understand at first because I grew up in a single-parent home. So every time Brent would try to love on me I would tell him to stop — I was a prude, I know. Of course, y’all need to keep it appropriate lol so don’t get too crazy.
Establish a spiritual connection
Before I met my husband I remembered very little about the bible. I mean I grew up in the church and went to vacation bible school, but I lost my connection with God as I grew older. My husband brought Him back into my life early in our relationship and I’m so thankful for that. So be sure to maintain your relationship with God as that should be the basis of your marriage.
Never go to bed angry
This one y’all, this the one!! Lol. In all seriousness PLEASE do not go to bed angry, don’t go sleep in another room, don’t go sleep at your parents’ house. Take a breather from whatever disagreement y’all are having, come back to it clear-headed, compromise or agree to disagree.
Your kids notice everything. They may not understand it but they are used to a routine and they will notice when mommy and daddy aren’t sleeping together. If they are old enough they’ll begin to ask questions.
Love is more than a word
You have to do more than just say “I love you”. Let your love speak through your actions. Take turns giving your kids a bath or washing their hair. Give one another a break from the kids. Ask your spouse “what can I do for you right now?”. Your love language may not be the same as your spouse so don’t be afraid to ask. Cook them their favorite meal, give them a massage, be quiet lol. If you’ve been together for a long time you know what to do to make your spouse happy so just do it unexpectedly.
Prioritize intimacy
Prior to marriage, I didn’t think intimacy was that important but oh boy it is. I mean think about it, this is the only person you are allowed to be intimate with for the rest of your life. Have fun with it, get creative, take advantage of time without the kids or when the kids are asleep to do the deed. Being intimate doesn’t always mean sex, you can be intimate physically, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.
Learn to negotiate conflict
You are going to run into some disagreements during your marriage, that’s a given. What you do when you come to those disagreements are vital. You won’t always get your way so get that out of your head now. You won’t always agree when it comes to the kids because y’all weren’t raised in the same household. Learning to negotiate and compromise can alleviate conflict within your marriage.
Y’all should have discussed raising children before having them. Even if you had the conversation you could have a change of heart when the kids are actually here. Check out my post ‘6 Important Things to Discuss Before Marriage’ here.
Put kids to bed early
YES, GOD! (in my mother-in-law’s voice) Put those babies to bed early — at least try to. Even if it’s just so you two can be in bed doing your own thing. It’s so important to end the day on a good note, so what better way than putting them to bed thirty minutes to an hour early and enjoying each other’s company. Use that time to ask each other how you are feeling, do the deed, play some games, watch a movie, go over the next day’s plans.
Put them to bed early especially if it was a long and stressful day. We put the girls to bed no later than 8:30 pm. Are they sleep by 8:45? lol heck no. But they know it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep.
Don’t ever stop dating each other.
Yes, you think you have reached a peak when it comes to being in a relationship but you still need to win each other over every day. Do all the things you were doing when you first started dating. Don’t forget why you two fell in love with each other and how those kids got here in the first place. *wink wink*
Plan for the future and don’t forget about your goals
I think this is by far the most important one. When you have children I think you can lose sight of who you are as a couple and what you want both want out of life. So it’s crucial that you two have a plan for the future, map out your goals and never lose sight of them. One thing you can do as a couple to map out your goals and visualize them is making a vision board. Check out my post about them here.
Ultimately, your kids aren’t going to always need you and they will not always be living with you — God willing. At the end of the day, it’s you and your spouse in that marriage. When those vows were exchanged you two became a unit, so you need to work as a unit. Don’t stop putting the work in and don’t forget about each other by only focusing on the kids!



How do you keep your marriage strong after kids? Any advice/tips? I would love to hear them! Leave a comment down below (:






26 comments
Great tips! I especially agree with intimacy and never going to sleep(or leaving the house) mad.
Thanks for the advice!
Well I’m not married but I can say one thing for sure these points are quite interesting and helpful.Thanks for sharing this.
Mariah this was a great read! I’ve been wanting some tips from married people but was too shy to ask ☺️.
Such wonderful tips. It’s so important to keep the love alive after kids.
I can only imagine how challenging it is to invest in your relationship after kids. Life, work, and caring for your kids can take so much time. Great tips!
yes indeed, thank you so much for reading!
will take note of this for future reference…….i have so much to learn in this department………..
I love these tips, especially showing affection in front of your children. Thanks for sharing!
🙂 thank you so much for reading!
Thank you for sharing such an amazing post especially for the couples. This is definitely a great help to maintain a great relationship with your partner and maintain also the family intact.
yes indeed, thank you so much for reading!
These look like great tips. I am single but I can say that some of these are very important in any relation, like solving conflicts.
absolutely!
These are great tips for every couple! ? I was lucky that my parents showed affection and said I love you.❤️ Another thing I heard experts say, let the kids see/ hear how you resolve conflicts. This will help them manage conflict resolution in the future. Thanks for sharing this, especially during a time when families are sharing tight spaces.
Thanks for sharing that extra tip! and thanks for reading (:
Wow… These are some great tips. Thanks for sharing
Wonderful tips on maintaining marriage. Marriages will have rough patches, my parents’ had bumpy roads. But they survive because they got through it together.
A lot of great advice. Your relationship definitely changes after having kids – you need to make sure you keep making it a priority!
These are great suggestions. Kids definitely shift the dynamics of marriage, so it’s helpful to keep these things in mind and keep working on balance with your marriage.
I agree with all of these tips especially the one on continuing to date each other. That is the perfect way to keep the romance alive.
exactly! thanks for reading (:
I am not married yet. But I agree with the point that never got bed angry. Because at the day end it matters when you sleep with your partner after a long fight.
Thank you for sharing these useful tips. I will share it with my brother.
I am not married. But I can agree with a lot of these! Especially being spiritually aligned. I think having that in common is important so that you are both always aligned when it comes to anything having to do with morals or values.
You have made some really great points here. I think most of these points are applicable for every couple even if they aren’t married or don’t have children.
Thanks for sharing so very valuable insights,
I liked this inspirational and motivating article, which is
why I want to say how I saved my marriage and avoided divorce (maybe it will be useful): https://bit.ly/2XvDwfB